Mom’s Write: The Writing Life is Not a Race
Ready, Set, Go!
Do you ever feel like we writers are in a race to the finish line? The person with the most endurance, training, talent is going to be the winner. If you are a mom writer, you might even feel like you’ll never be able to stay in the race because of your other duties. If this is your mindset, it’s time to retrain your thinking on this one.
But guess what?
The writing life is not a race.
Take a Look Around at Your Writing Friends
When you are in a race, one of the worst things you can do is take the time to look around. It can cost you those few seconds that you might need to actually carry first place.
But in writing, looking around can be good.
I’m involved in three writing critique groups. When I read the writing of these brilliant writers, I notice three things:
1) Their writing is amazing.
2) We write very differently.
3) I’m in awe of their ability to write things I could not write.
When I take a look around, I can’t help but cheer them on.
One of my critique groups is made up of only picture book writers and one writer/illustrator. We write for the same audience. Are we in competition with each other? Nope. Even within the same genre, we have very different styles. We have very different stories. I love falling in love with their stories and seeing them grow. They are good at telling THEIR stories. I’m working on getting better at telling mine.
Lend a Hand
If a writer friend is struggling to keep writing, be there to lend a hand. Sometimes that hand is helping them up, telling them they can keep going. A few encouraging words can go a long way. Sometimes lending a hand means telling them it’s okay to take a break. The writing life can be mentally grueling. If they need to take a break for a few weeks, encourage rest and recuperation. Michael Hyatt spoke about encouragement in a recent podcast:
“The more we can be with people, encourage people, affirm them for what they’re doing right, the more courage they will get. After all, isn’t that the root word of encouragement? To give someone the gift of courage.”Sometimes lending a hand means pacing together. This may come in the form of giving them feedback as they go through revision after revision, or it may mean getting together for a writing retreat and spending hours writing together, pushing each other to get something done.
Want to more about how to lend a hand? See my guest post at Rate Your Story about critique groups.
You are Only in Competition with Yourself
If my friend gets an agent first, I’m not jealous. Their book is very different from mine. I want to have the right agent for MY work. If a friend gets a book deal, I’m thrilled. It’s not like they got MY spot. Every person I know that’s gotten an agent or a book deal has worked really hard to get there. It usually is a result of many years of work. When they leap over each hurdle, they have earned it!
As I’ve read more and more about getting published, and I’ve witnessed my friends cross this milestone, I’ve realized a book deal is not the finish line. It’s just the beginning. There are still many books left to come for each of us. Self-endurance is the key. Writing YOUR best book the best way YOU know how is the key.
In teaching, I’ve learned that every kid works at their own pace and learns in their own way. The math teacher on my team has students work toward faster math fact recall. Students don’t track themselves compared to classmates. They track themselves comparing their OWN times over the school year. The idea is that each child is in competition with themselves—trying to improve. This is a good lesson for writing—I’m trying to improve my own writing. If every book I write is better than the last, if I learn more and more about writing, if I am constantly pushing myself forward, then I am focused on competing only with myself. In fact, I couldn’t write like some of my critique group partners even if I tried. They are so good at what they do and they are passionate about their own stories. I’m passionate about mine.
As a mom, I do have a whole other set of responsibilities now. But even if I can’t write 8 hours a day (not many people can), I can make a little progress day by day. I’m not worried about who finishes their book first. We are all at different stages, working on different projects.
For the Naysayers
But we are in competition, you say. There are books out there that are like mine. Agents and editors can only take on so many projects. Yes, that’s true. But at nearly every conference I’ve been to, agents and editors have both said, if the writing is really good, it will eventually find a home. It might not be in your dream publishing house, but good stories have a fighting chance.
My point is, stop worrying about everyone else. Worry about writing the best story you can. Write the story that only YOU can.
Pace yourself. This writing life–making a career out of writing–is a long-term endeavor.
What are ways that you compete with yourself? How do you push yourself to get better and better?
12 Comments
Tina Cho
Great post! I really like your comparison with students who work at their own pace, in competition only with themselves. Yes, each new piece I write has to be better than the last. Thanks, Marcie!
Marcie Flinchum Atkins
Absolutely, I’m always trying to improve. Thanks for stopping by, Tina!
Sue Heavenrich
there’s a difference between a race to beat out others, and a competition to beat your own best time.
I think of writing as a life-long sport…. one that you do with friends, to better your performance, and – if lucky – you all cross the finish line together. I figure if I throw words at the page and they stick, I’m a winner.
Marcie Flinchum Atkins
Sue, Absolutely. I love the “throwing words at the page” idea. 🙂 Marcie
Sylvia Liu
Thanks, Marcie. Great post. I do feel an urgency though, but it’s mainly to keep myself motivated and moving, because it’s too easy to let other life events/activities take precedence.
Marcie Flinchum Atkins
Sylvia, I feel urgency too. I’m pretty hard on myself and expect a lot of myself. I agree, though, it’s very motivating to feel a sense of urgency. Marcie
Kirsten Larson
This was a great post, Marcie. I think some of the competition might stem from the fact that it can be hard to call yourself a writer when you don’t have an agent or have things published. When people ask you what you do, and you say “I’m a writer,” the next questions is what book you’ve published. Having an agent or a publisher seem to be hallmarks of legitimacy. I think if we embrace the journey concept others have mentioned in their excellent comments, and grow more confident, we can lose the competition mentality.
Marcie Flinchum Atkins
Yes, Kirsten. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about creating art. Essentially, I’ve learned, you are a writer when you choose to call yourself one. When I finally “owned” it for myself, I started taking my writing more seriously.
Romelle Broas
Excellent post, Marcie! I am happy to hear fellow writers get an agent or a contract, but it sometimes leaves me feeling “behind.” I am a mother of 2 active boys, I have a FT job, and I am an athlete in training so it may take me a year or more to submit my mss. I do worry that I may miss the boat, so to speak, but your post puts things in perspective. Good reminder that I am running my own race! But I must say that hearing others’ success is a good motivator to get things rolling.
Marcie Flinchum Atkins
Romelle, you are not alone. I work full time, have 2 kids, and still pursue this writing thing. I always feel behind. But then I look at where I was a year ago, and I realize, I’m farther along than I was then. One step at a time…
Yvonne Mes
Just what I needed to hear, Marcie. I am also a busy mom, I do feel like I am part of a race a lot, racing against time. Trying to find some time here or there to get stuck into writing without being interrupted every 5 minutes. And like you I love my critique group and the support I receive and give (I hope). I do need to work on pacing myself, I am in it for the long haul and I want to keep enjoying it. Thanks for your wise words.
Marcie Flinchum Atkins
I hear you, Yvonne. I feel like I’m in a race against time too. I self-impose a lot of deadlines. My son, almost four, is great at that interrupting bit. Some days I can hardly hear myself think. If it wasn’t for other writers encouraging me, I think I’d be in trouble. 🙂